Five Relational Values Leaders Must Embrace
Recently, I shared a message at our Presence-Centered Church Leadership Summit held at GateCity Church, emphasizing the critical need for a transformation in the church's leadership culture. This blog post is an adaptation of that message. My prayer is that the insights shared here inspire you toward a lifestyle characterized by greater openness and vulnerability.
The Church, particularly within the non-denominational and charismatic traditions, finds itself at a great inflection point. We are navigating through a tumultuous period marked by a significant leadership crisis, fundamentally rooted in a lack of accountability and authenticity.
Historically, a certain leadership ethos has prevailed across various segments of the Church, characterized by senior leaders conducting their lives aloof from the broader spiritual family. These leaders often remain distant from the larger congregation and rarely engage in deep, heart-level relationships. Despite this distance, their roles in preaching, teaching, prophesying, or leading worship have led to a leniency in their need for authenticity and accountability, under the justification of their anointing or perceived spiritual maturity.
In such a leadership culture, leaders lack intimate relationships where they can openly share their struggles, pains, challenges, or failures. While they might publicly discuss past struggles they've overcome as a means to inspire others, this does not substitute for genuine vulnerability.
This has fostered a culture of self-protection among leaders, further distancing them from living authentically within their spiritual families. The more prominent a leader becomes, the more inclined they are to increase their self-protection, often due to the overwhelming expectations and demands of leading large congregations.
This leadership model stands in direct opposition with the example Jesus modeled with the disciples, the life the disciples shared among themselves, and their vision for how the Church should function. This model of leadership, which I define as “closed and protected”, must change. If we do not change now, I am convinced that those still embracing this ethos risk the removal of their lampstand (Rev 2:5).
I want to emphasize that it's important to acknowledge that some aspects of this self-protective behavior stem from genuine experiences of hurt and pain encountered by leaders in their roles. These leaders, having faced numerous battles, are deeply committed to fulfilling God's calling on their lives. However, the accumulation of misunderstandings, wounds, and pains has made them cautious, leading them to insulate themselves in an effort to avoid further emotional pain. Over time, this protective barrier can transform into a veil of secrecy, concealing their faults and sins. This reality, though understandable, is a departure from the path of biblical spiritual leadership. For the well-being of the entire Church body and the future of the Church itself, embracing change is imperative. It's essential for leaders to find a balance between protecting their well-being and maintaining the openness and authenticity critical to healthy spiritual leadership.
Consider Paul’s appeal to the Corinthians for openness, vulnerability, and love in a moment of great conflict:
2Co 6:11-13 Oh, dear Corinthian friends! We have spoken honestly with you, and our hearts are open to you. 12 There is no lack of love on our part, but you have withheld your love from us. 13 I am asking you to respond as if you were my own children. Open your hearts to us! (NLT)
Five Critical Values for Leadership
I am appealing for the adoption of five key values within church leadership teams. These are practices that my own leadership team has begun to live, ever so imperfectly, over the last five years and it has changed in large part our entire culture throughout our church. These principles are essential for us all to embrace as we aim to transform church culture, particularly in the charismatic, non-denominational sectors.
Transparency: Embrace the principle of letting others see the real you by sharing your true thoughts and feelings openly. Be candid about your true self and the challenges you face, adopting a "what you see is what you get" approach to relationships.
Vulnerability: Commit to revealing your genuine thoughts and feelings, even at the risk of feeling uncomfortable or being misunderstood. Allow those around you to witness your struggles without always attempting to mask your true emotions.
Authenticity: Maintain consistency in being your true self across all situations. Regardless of the company you are in, express your real emotions, beliefs, and values with honesty and integrity in all your relationships.
Mutuality: Foster a balanced and reciprocal dynamic of support, care, and effort in your relationships, ensuring a sense of joint responsibility and ownership. Move beyond a unidirectional approach of leadership to also receiving from your team members. Encourage each individual in leadership to bring their whole heart and share it with others, creating a deeply interconnected community.
Accountability: Taking responsibility for one's own actions involves acknowledging their effects and actively seeking ways to resolve or improve situations as needed. Accountability lies within ourselves; it is not the duty of others to enforce it. In essence, the only individual who can hold you accountable is you. This form of accountability means openly admitting our faults and temptations to those around us, with the expectation, as outlined in Scripture, of finding healing and forgiveness.
For the Church to evolve into the vision Jesus has for it, both leaders and the congregational body must commit to these essential values, which I believe will ultimately bring about a pivotal shift. Despite the discomfort of our current circumstances, I am encouraged by the number of leaders yearning for a more transparent and vulnerable way of living. I foresee a significant humbling within church leadership as God moves to dismantle celebrity Christianity and the “closed and protected” leadership model.
I invite you to join me in prayer for this transformation — that leaders will undertake the relational shifts necessary to live openly and vulnerably, and that this change will deeply influence the entire Church.